The other day I spotted the chart below, originally posted in Business Insider, in my Facebook feed. While there are several things to look forward to, I have to say, according to this, my life opportunities are behind me. Some, long behind me. I guess I'll never make that Nobel-Prize winning discovery. Or run a marathon (totally fine with this by the way). I'm not sure what to make of peaking at 10 years of age for staying alive. I kind of think that should show up on the day before your birthday each year. And if my brain processing power peaks at 18, how is it that I'll have the best chance of playing great chess 13 years later? And why is there a "female attractiveness to men" age but not one for when we gals find men most attractive? I'd be worried about that one men. I am most satisfied with life at age 23? Well, I was having some fun but I can tell you in my 20s I was looking forward to my 30s because life was too chatoic.
Apparently, at 56, I am in a vast wasteland of doing anything best. Somehow I have vocabulary to look forward to in 13 years - which must mean I'll be working a lot of crossword puzzles in my retirement because I've personally found my ability to call up vocabulary words to be, currently, abysmal. I truly look forward to finally achieving happiness with my body in another 18 years. I would call that "finally throwing in the towel" and accepting what's staring back at me in the mirror. I'm not sure "happiness" quite describes that. And finally achieving psychological wellbeing at 82 is a blessing because I'll have nothing more to look forward to. I wonder what Grandma Moses would have made of this list.
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I am blessed to still have my parents around. Not literally "around" as they live 12 hours away. But they're alive, to put it bluntly, something so many of my contemporaries cannot claim. I talk to them weekly to allow plenty of time to catch up, as my mom can turn any quick chat into an hour-long conversation. And I really love our chats, for the most part, as long as we don't veer off onto taboo subjects like politics, on which we do not see eye-to-eye. One of the reasons I feel so privileged to have them and to talk regularly is I get a view into old age in a way I might not pay attention to otherwise. Mom and dad downsized from their three-bedroom home of 34 years in 2012, moving to a comfortable two-bedroom apartment. They're not the retirement-home types, really, though I think mom would be inclined to join some of the group activities. They - like me - are accustomed to having friends of all ages and I think the gray landscape of such an environment would dismay them. They have their routines and I think, as they become more and more forgetful at 84 and 89, their routines are a comfort, something that becomes rote, not dependent on faltering memories. At the same time, I think they miss being younger when each day was a new adventure. I know they really look forward to our weekly chats. My mom tends to dominate the conversation, as she always has, looping my dad in on occasion by shouting his name over the extension. (I think sometimes my dad dozes off, happy to have a break from being mom's sole conversant.) They want, as they always have, to hear all about my week - how things are at work, what the kids are up to, all the boring - but to them interesting - details. When I ask about their week, with the exception of various doctor visits, my dad usually laughs and says, "Well, you know, same old same old." And as much as I know, at their age, no news truly is good news, I can't help but detect a little sadness in that response. Or maybe it's just me. I have to say the things they do talk about these days can be surprising. For example a couple weeks ago, they shared that my dad told my mom he would probably outlast her. And they both agreed it would be better that way. Wow. Can you imagine having that conversation with your significant other? It doesn't get more real. I had to laugh because it was so absurd to me, and yet, I imagine, strangely comforting to them. I'll talk to them again in a few days. Hopefully I'll have some interesting news to share. Though I'm not sure it will beat the who'll-die-first conversation. At least, I hope not. My children are 21 and 18. And, while many of my parenting peers have waved a tearful goodbye to their college students each summer, I have yet to do so because both my adult kids are still at home. One is taking a little break from college to redirect while the other graduated early from high school and is prepping to apply to a very competitive art school in about six months.
When I was their age I, like most of my contemporaries I imagine, couldn't wait to move out. We were all raring and ready to experience the world. Flash forward to 2017 and kids don't have that same motivation because they're already in touch with the world. Both my children are online gamers and play with people from around the world. My daughter drinks PG Tibbs tea because one of her UK pals turned her on to it and my son regularly discusses with us the concept of Communism thanks to some guys he plays with from Russia. While I didn't fly on a plane or use a computer until college, they're way ahead of me in what they've experienced already in life. Don't get me wrong, I want to see the little birdies fly from the nest. But, while they prep for flight, I get to enjoy some things I don't think my mom and dad did in my haste to fly the coop. Here are some things I get out of the deal:
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d.a.meek
Young at heart. Archives
December 2017
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